Fall 1902

The Underhanded Orders:


The Unthinkable Results:
Furious Continental Buttfucking Abounds! We need build orders. Conveniently, all dislodged units were utterly buttfucked to death, so we need no retreats. By my count, build orders are as follows:

England: one
France: one
Germany: one
Italy: one
Austria: goose egg
Turkey: two big radishes
Russia: zilcharoonie

Get your builds to me as soon as you can. Peace motherfuckers!

Spring 1902

The moves:


The grizzly results:
The only retreating unit was the brave Russian army in Sevastopol, which was utterly annihilated when bold Turkish forces nobly held it down while the storied and august Austro-Hungarian troops courageously buttfucked it to death.

Orders are due tomorrow night at Who Gives A Fuck o'clock.

New Map with Shiny New Units (if you know what I'm sayin)

ok, lads. here we go. Here are the moves and the text results:




Results for Fall, 1901 (Movement)


General Notices:

All dislodged units destroyed; advancing to next phase.Order
resolution completed on 04-Aug-2011 at 10:34:51 CDT


Order Results:


Austria:
A bud ->rum
F tri ->adr
A vie->bud

England:
F nth ->bel
Bounced with bur (1 against 1).
F nwg ->nwy
A wal Holds

France:
A bur ->bel
Bounced with nth (1 against 1).
F mao -por
A spa Holds

Germany:
F den Holds
A mun Supports A sil ->boh
A sil ->boh

Italy:
A apu ->tun
F ion Convoys A apu ->tun
A ven Holds

Russia:
The Fleet in Rumania cannot retreat; unit destroyed.
A gal->bud
Bounced with bud (1 against 1).
F bot ->swe
F rum ->bla
Bounced with bla (1 against 1). Dislodged from bud (2
against 1).
A sev -> arm
Bounced with arm (1 against 1).

Turkey:
A arm -> sev
Bounced with sev (1 against 1).
F bla Supports A arm -> sev
Support cut by Move from Rumania.
A bul Supports A bud -> rum


And here's where we are now. Email me your builds pleeeeaaaase.

Soooooo.... Seeing as how Rofo sent in Italian orders and EG couldn't be bothered to issue any commands at all, Rofo is now promoted to Italy and Guerra is busted down to Austro-Hungary. THE DUNGEONMASTER HAS SPOKEN!

In other news, here's the map. It's an interesting game. It seems the only winning move is not to play. Which is what you assholes shouldve done in the first place. Cause now it's on like some trench warfare donkey kong.

Da Moves:

Da Results:

It's now Fall 1901. Act accordingly bitches

There have been rumblings of war for some time now. The giant political zit of European diplomacy came to ripe and unpleasant head at a state dinner hosted by the Marquis De Salmond at his palace at Versailles. Powdered and perfumed almost as much as the harlots that surrounded him, the Marquis gave grave offense to Czar Alterio II when soggy and oversalted Borscht was served. Too many libations were roundly enjoyed by the august and venerable guests. After one too many white wine spritzers, King Benjamin I lost his shit and swatted the novelty-sized turban off Grand Vizier Cherry's head when he stroked his elaborate moustaches and asked if he had Prince Albert in a can. Emperor Magic von Turley anchlussed the shit out of Archduke Rofranz Foferdinand when, in a maneuver of the deftest statesmanship, he convinced Prime Minister Guerrasolini to put a lampshade on his head and do a little dance, distracting the Archduke and leaving him vulnerable to the savage Germanic pantsing von Turley dealt him.

The party ended in disaster, with the various heads of state uniformly butthurt. Even as they shuffled out the front door of Versailles and telling each other not to worry about it, we all had too much to drink, the Prince Albert crack was actually pretty funny, etc., etc., they were contacting their ministers and generals to put in unprecedented orders for barbed wire, mustard gas, machine guns and specialty trench-digging shovels...